


Realisations and tears

by thestarriestnight



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29636736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarriestnight/pseuds/thestarriestnight
Summary: It's almost 3 in the morning and Benny has come to the realisation of two things:1) he's not straight and 2) he's in love with his best friendHe doesn't handle it wellOrMy internalised homophobia made a comeback and my brain decided to project onto fictional characters
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Realisations and tears

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on ao3 and first fanfic I've written in years, but I was projecting and thought why not write that.
> 
> A lot of internalised homophobia in this. Like a lot. Sorry

Well fuck... 

This is not at all what Benny had expected to happen today, nor was this something he wanted to happen. This was probably at the very bottom of his list of things he would like to happen right now. Or at all. Benny would much, much rather be out there hunting for vampires or trying to save the town from something supernatural again. As much as those incidents scare the hell out of him, he definitely knows that would be preferable. 

Because it was now almost 3 in the morning and Benny has come to the realisation of two things: 

Number 1: He isn't straight, no question about it. He wasn't completely sure about his feelings towards women just yet, as he's usually only tried getting dates with them because it's an experience that everyone else seems to have gone through, but he hasn't, so it's kind of difficult to figure out whether he actually liked them or only felt like he had to. But the fact that Benny isn't straight was a definite. 

And that goes to realisation number 2: Benny is in love with his best friend, Ethan. He probably has been for a while, but the realisation only came today. Something about today was just different. He kept thinking about his best friend the entire day, wanting to talk to him as much as possible and hang out all day. But then, when the two were busy doing research on the Whitechapel monster of the week, Benny kept wanting to just reach out to Ethan - hold his hand and he even caught himself wanting to kiss his best friend. That was pretty undeniable proof that Benny was in love with Ethan. 

And the best way to describe this realisation was simple, it sucked. A lot. Benny didn't want this and he was terrified of what everyone around him would think or do, if they were to find out. 

Because he knows that this is bad and wrong, and disgusting. Boys are supposed to like girls, and girls are supposed to like boys. And that's it, everything else is bad, right? At least that's what he remembers his parents and other family members saying to him. And that's why all the movies and TV shows only show those kinds of couples. And that's why the bullies would often use "gay" to insult the nerds and geeks in the school. It was because it was wrong, right? Because he wasn't supposed to be this way? 

It was wrong and disgusting, and he was wrong and disgusting for feeling that way. He isn't supposed to feel this way, and he needs to do something to change this. 

That's what Benny told himself, over and over again for the entire night, until he eventually fell asleep with those same words playing on repeat in his mind. He hoped that maybe the words would be enough to make the feelings go away. 

\- 

The next day was a school day, so Benny had to wake up early, which was unfortunate when taking into consideration how late he fell asleep last night. As a result, he was beyond tired, way more than on usual school mornings. Next time he will have to make sure to schedule his self loathing sessions before 3am.  
Unfortunately for him, the sleep deprivation and tiredness did not get rid of or lessen the immense amount of guilt and hatred he felt for himself after last night's realisations. In fact, they only seemed to be worse this morning. To him it almost felt like there was an anchor inside his stomach. His feelings felt heavy and difficult, and his brain didn't help out by reminding him of how awful and disgusting he is after every little move he did. 

Usually Benny and Ethan would walk to school together, but today Benny really didn't feel up to it and wanted to be alone. So he texted Ethan, saying that he'll be a bit late and to go on to school without him. Ethan will most likely ask him about why he's late or something similar, but Benny figured he'll just come up with an excuse later. 

By the time he was ready to get to school, there were only about 15 minutes left until the first class, so Benny definitely had to speed up. Although Ethan was most likely more than halfway to school by now, Benny decided to walk a slightly different route than usual, just in case. And during the entire walk, he made sure to repeat the same words to himself. 

You're awful, you're disgusting, you're wrong to feel this way. 

Anytime that his brain tried to object with the thoughts, he just pushed them away as much as he could. 

Admittedly it hurt like hell. Every word stung and slowly tore his heart apart, but he knew this was necessary. It didn't matter how much it hurt, eventually these words will get rid of the feelings he has, and Benny will be able to be normal once again. That's all he wants really. If it takes a bit of pain for that to happen, then fine. He can handle it. 

\- 

Benny just barely made it to the first class on time. Luckily, he did though, as dealing with a teacher getting angry at him for being late was not something he needed right now. He saw Ethan on the other side of the classroom and gave him a quick wave. Ethan smiled and waved back, and Benny could feel his heart beat faster as a result. Weird how such simple, every day interactions that didn't mean anything are suddenly making him feel like this. 

No, remember this is wrong and bad, you're not supposed to feel this way. Benny reminded himself as he sat down in his chair. 

The class started right after he sat down and for a while it proved a good distraction from the thoughts and feelings. Although he wasn't a big fan of school, because who was, learning about physics was better than thinking about his feelings for his best friend and how wrong it was. Unfortunately for Benny though, the more the classes went on, the less distracting they became. Somewhere between the end of the 2nd class and the start of the 3rd one, his thoughts returned to occupy his mind more and more. And it was to the point where the thoughts were more distracting than the class itself. 

All of the thoughts hurt to think about, but the worst of these were when Benny started thinking about what would happen if his friends found out he was into guys. His brain really struggled to come up with any positive outcomes. His imagination told him that Erica would probably be disgusted by him and never want to talk to him again, which Benny thinks he could handle. They're not exactly close friends now and she only really interacts with him when she either needs him to use magic on something or if they've teamed up together to stop whatever was going to destroy the town this time. 

Sarah would probably have a similar reaction and wouldn't want to have anything to do with Benny after that. Her not being friends with him anymore definitely would be more difficult to deal with though. 

Benny wasn't sure about Rory, but of course every thought told him that the vampire would stop any and all interactions with him as well. 

Ethan's reaction though, that was the one that really hurt. If he were to find out, Benny thinks that would be the end of their friendship. He would probably try to be nice about it, as Ethan is just like that, but he would avoid Benny at all costs. They would stop playing video games together or fighting the supernatural together. Ethan would just stop seeing or talking to Benny altogether. And Benny knows he wouldn't be able to handle that. The two have been best friends for basically their entire lives. If they were to separate, Benny wouldn't know what to do with himself. 

It was then and there that he decided to never tell anyone about his feelings. It didn't matter how much it hurt him, Benny wasn't about to risk his friendship like that. 

Hopefully he'll find a way to get rid of them. And soon. 

\- 

Benny and Ethan finally had the chance to talk to each other properly that day during lunch. Admittedly Benny was half tempted to just run away and be on his own, but Ethan had caught up with him after class and Benny couldn't bring himself to just leave his friend like that. He'd feel too guilty and he didn't want it to seem as if Ethan did something wrong when it was Benny that was actually wrong here. 

"Hey, I haven't seen you all day! How's it going?" Ethan asked, "Did something happen by the way? You're almost never late or ditch us walking to school." 

Benny could tell how genuinely concerned Ethan was being, and it warmed his heart. But he wasn't about to tell the truth, so Benny quickly tried to come up with an excuse. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. Couldn't get much sleep last night, so struggled a bit to get up in the morning." Is what he settled on, which was half a truth. Since their lives constantly have monsters in them, Benny has ended up with a nightmare or two, which have kept him up at night before. Though that wasn't the case this time, Ethan knew about the nightmares and it wasn't too unbelievable to say he had another one last night. 

"Again? Are you okay, though?" Ethan asked. 

"Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Benny lied and attempted to put on a genuine smile, ignoring the voice in his head that reminded him how much Ethan would hate him, if he were to find out about what happened. 

Ethan wasn't fully convinced. Something felt a bit off about Benny, but he didn't want to push it so he just let it be. 

"Okay, if you're sure. But let me know if anything is up, okay?" Benny nodded in response. He was still going to tell Ethan about anything else that went wrong, just not this specific situation. Benny will deal with this himself and get rid of the feelings. Once he figures out how to do that, of course, but when he does, everything will be back to normal. 

The two got lunch and sat down. As they did, Ethan changed the conversation topic to start talking about something Star Wars related he had found out about last night. Benny just listened and smiled. He loved seeing people talk about things they were excited about. To him, it was just really cute and nice. And, since it was Ethan, he felt like it was even cuter and his heart fluttered seeing Ethan so excited. 

Wait. No. No. No! No! NO! 

This is wrong, this is bad. You can't feel like this. It's wrong and it's disgusting, and you need to stop. That's what Benny reminded himself. He reminded himself over and over again of this, and of how everyone will react if they found out. He forced himself to repeat those thoughts and tried to push what he just felt for Ethan as far away as he possibly could. 

"Benny? Benny!" Ethan snapped him out of his thoughts. "Are you okay?" 

Benny felt like he was about to cry. Being around Ethan just made his feelings stronger, which was not at all what he needed. He tried his best to push them away, but that just hurt. Benny wanted to cry, he couldn't do this. Not right now. 

"I'm- I'm fine," he replied, cursing himself for stuttering. But he doubted it would've made a difference either way. It was pretty clear that Benny wasn't fine. He felt like he needed to leave, he needed to be alone. He needed to be somewhere else. 

Without fully realising what he was doing, Benny stood up quickly. Ethan looked at him with worry and confusion on his face. 

"I'm fine," Benny repeated, not really knowing why, grabbed his belongings quickly and ran away from Ethan and the room they were in. It was probably kind of a shitty thing to do, but he needed to get away. 

Benny heard Ethan shout after him, but he just kept running. He rushed inside one of the school's bathrooms and hid inside one of the stalls. Benny felt tears running down his face, but he tried his best to be as quiet as possible. 

God, why couldn't he just be normal and into girls like everyone else seemed to be? 

Benny wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he managed to stop his crying eventually. After that, he exited the stall, made sure he didn't look too much like he was crying and then left the bathroom to go straight to the nurse's office, trying his best to avoid Ethan and all of his other friends at the same time. At the nurse's, Benny made up an excuse and said he had a horrible headache, which was good enough for the nurse to send him home for the day. 

\- 

The guilt of what had just happened in school really hit Benny when he got back home, as his phone was full of missed calls and unanswered messages. Most of the calls and messages were from Ethan, Sarah had called him and messaged him a few times as well. There were a few messages from Rory and even one from Erica. He opened the messages from Ethan first. Mostly they were just messages asking Benny where he went to and whether he was okay. Ethan also expressed his worry a few times, which really made him feel more guilty. How was he going to explain this one? 

"Hey, I'm really sorry about what happened. I'm okay though, I promise." Was the reply Benny settled on. The texts from the others were more or less the same, just asking Benny where he ran off to and if he's okay. Even Erica seemed pretty sincere in asking him the same questions, though she made sure to say that it was "the geek squad" that was worried and not her. It was obvious she was at least somewhat worried as well though. 

He sent the rest of them a similar reply, just to let them know he's fine and he's sorry. 

Benny now had the rest of the day by himself, as his grandmother was out of town for a bit, so he tried his best to distract himself in any way he could think of. He spent most of the hours playing video games, but those were unfortunately not enough to fully distract him from everything. His head still liked replaying the thoughts of what everyone around him would say, if they found out he was into guys. Now with an added bonus of his thoughts telling him that he'll end up all alone, and that no one will ever love him, if he keeps feeling this way. Overall, some really fun stuff. 

Benny's phone rang a few hours later. Ethan was calling him, and for a second Benny considered not picking up, as he wasn't sure if he can deal with this right now. But ultimately decided against it. Ethan didn't deserve that. 

"Hey, E!" Benny tried his best to sound more upbeat and alright. 

"Hey! I considered coming over to check on you, but wasn't sure if you'd prefer to be on your own right now instead," Damn it, why did Ethan have to care so much and be so nice? It just made things that much more difficult for Benny. "So how are you doing?" 

"Me? Yeah, I'm okay!" Benny said, almost automatically. 

"Yeah, that's what you said earlier today right before running away and disappearing for the rest of the day, and worrying the hell out of your friends." Ethan said, attempting to joke a bit. "How are you actually doing?" 

Guess Benny should've known it wasn't going to be that easy to try to convince his best friend things were good. 

"Okay, I'll admit, I've been better. Not my proudest of moments, but I am okay now, I promise." Though Benny could say he currently felt better than at school, saying he was okay was still a bit of a reach. 

Ethan sighed: "Okay, if you say so. What happened today?" 

Oh no, during all those hours Benny spent playing video games, he didn't spend even a little time trying to come up with a good excuse to say. Too distracted by his overall current situation. 

"Um, I don't really know?" He said and let out a small laugh, "Guess the lack of sleep the night before, the increase in monster activity and general school... everything made me freak out a bit?" 

Benny really hoped that was convincing enough. 

There was silence on the other side for a few seconds before Ethan spoke: "You don't have to lie to me, you know." Okay, not convincing enough. "Alright, I'm getting the impression you don't really want to talk about it. That's fine, I'm not going to force you to. Just please don't let it bother you alone and don't keep it to yourself. Whatever it is, you can tell me about it or anyone else." 

Benny wished that was true, but he really felt like the opposite was actually the truth. 

"Okay, will do. Thank you." God, part of him really wanted to just say it. To just admit everything and let all the feelings out. But then the thoughts of him being on his own and his friends leaving him came flooding back in, and Benny didn't want to mention it anymore. 

"So you up to anything tonight?" Ethan asked. 

"Oh, shoot. I forgot," Benny responded. The two of them were planning on having an Evil Dead marathon today, which he had completely forgotten about in the midst of all this. "Sorry about that. Can we reschedule?" 

"Yeah, that's fine. Just thought I'd ask, it might be a good distraction from whatever is bothering you?" An Evil Dead marathon probably wouldn't be a bad way for Benny to try to distract himself, but he knew being next to Ethan, or anyone for that matter, wouldn't help. He needed some time alone for now. 

"Sorry, E." 

"Don't be, I understand. Just remember what I said, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"I have to go, my mom's calling me downstairs. See ya!" Ethan said. 

"See ya." 

The phone call ended there and Benny just sighed. He needed to figure out something to do about all this, and he needed to do it fast. 

\- 

It was now the weekend so Benny could spend the next two days by himself, which was nice. He did the usual activities like his homework for school and cleaning up, and spent most time playing video games again. 

He received a few messages from Ethan asking him how he's doing and if he's up to do anything together during the weekend. But Benny had to decline the offer this week. This was probably the first weekend in forever they didn't spend it together.  
Benny continued on reminding himself of how awful of a person he was, and attempting to do anything to get rid of the feelings again for the entirety of the two days as well. 

His grandmother returned Sunday afternoon and almost immediately suspected that something had happened. She tried asking about it a few times, but let it go after realising that Benny wasn't going to share anything. 

\- 

By the time Monday rolled around, Benny was basically a pro at immediately repressing any and all feelings he had for his best friend. It was like an automatic process now that every time his thoughts got a bit too much in a direction he didn't like, they would be pushed as far away as possible and buried in a theoretical hole in his mind. And to Benny, this was good. It felt like a step in the right direction to getting over all the feelings he has. 

The two met up that Monday morning and he thought Ethan looked really cute when he smiled at him? Repressed. 

Ethan expressed that he was worried all weekend, and it warmed Benny's heart? Repressed! 

Every single little thought or feeling he had for his friend was immediately repressed! He'd be back to normal in no time! All Benny had to was ignore the pain in his heart. Easy, right? 

"You seem to be doing better today," Ethan said as the two were entering the school building, "I'm glad to see that." 

Repressed! 

"Yeah," Benny let out a slight laugh in response. "Sorry about that." 

"I told you already, don't be. It's all good!" 

Benny just nodded in response, not having much else to say to that. 

"So do you want to play something after school? We still haven't gotten through all the video games we got during that huge sale a month ago." Ethan asked. 

"Oh, that sale was so good. I really hope there's another one soon, so I can spend all my money again." Benny started, getting very into the video game talk, "But I'm not sure if I can tonight... I think grandma wants me to help clean the basement up today." 

That one was a complete and utter lie. His grandmother told him nothing and Benny had the time for video games tonight, but, despite how good he is now at repressing feelings, he didn't feel like he's fully ready to hang out with Ethan just yet. He needed a bit more time for that one. 

"Huh, okay. Surprised you haven't found a spell to do that for you yet." 

"A spell!" Benny could practically feel the gears in his head turning at the mention of spells. "Yeah, a spell could work." 

Benny had an idea, an absolutely brilliant one at that. He was surprised he hadn't thought of it before. But it was perfect, so he immediately started walking faster to get to his locker and get the spell book out. 

"What, no! I didn't mean it!" Ethan shouted after him and sped up his own pace to catch up to Benny. 

\- 

Benny spent most of the school day flipping through the pages of the spell book. He had found some spells that he'd definitely had to remember for future reference, and some he wasn't entirely sure why they existed. Like a spell specifically for fixing messed up cake batter. Not really the kind of spell one would expect to find. 

Ethan spent most of the day trying to convince Benny not to actually cast a spell and that he wasn't actually encouraging his friend to do so. But Benny didn't listen and kept looking. 

"Benny please, this isn't a good idea." Ethan said, as the two were sitting down for lunch and Benny still had his book open. "You're spending more time on finding a spell to clean up a room than it would actually take you to clean up." 

Benny had actually found a cleaning up spell about an hour ago, but that wasn't what he was looking for, so it was currently useless. 

"You say that now, but in the future when I've saved up the time wasted on cleaning, you'll be glad I've found it." Benny replied, still keeping up the idea that that's all he's looking for. "Besides, I've found some useful spells for the future. Next time we face some creepy monster, I'll have loads of ways to stop it." 

Ethan sighed: "Alright, just be careful? Your spells don't always go as planned." 

Benny couldn't really deny that, it was true that his magic went wrong pretty frequently. 

"Hey, guys," Suddenly came a female voice from their right, as Sarah approached the table and sat down next to them. She seemed really upbeat today, though a slight amount of worry shone through when she looked at Benny. "How are you guys doing? Anything new happen lately?" 

Benny hasn't seen Sarah since the realisation a few nights ago and, as much as he liked her, he couldn't help but feel a small ping of jealousy when Ethan looked at her with such amazement in his eyes. 

As quickly as that jealousy appeared, it got repressed and buried away even quicker. And so did the thoughts of how awful Benny was returned for a little bit. He just hoped this time it wouldn't get too out of hand again. 

"Not much new," Ethan replied, "Benny is looking for a spell again though, so we might have situation on our hands soon." 

"It will be fine." He simply replied. 

Sarah let out a small laugh. "Well if you need any help, just let me know." 

Ethan and Sarah continued on talking about things, but Benny kind of drowned out from the conversation. 

"Yes!" Benny suddenly exclaimed, stopping the conversation between the two and startling them slightly. Some of the students nearby shot looks at the three of them, but Benny paid them no mind. 

"Sorry," he said. But he was genuinely quite excited now, as Benny has finally found the spell he was looking for. There it was in the book: "Spell for turning things back to normal". Surely this would be it, this would put an end to his feelings and Benny would be able to be normal again, like how he used to be, right? No more repressed feelings or repeated words, no more hurt or feelings he shouldn't be feeling. Benny now has the chance to make everything right again. 

Finding this spell definitely put him in a better mood for the day. Benny kept thinking about it and planning how he was going to do it. 

He was going to do it today, there was no question about that. But he'll have to look more into it to find out any of the specifics of the spell. He was just glad he found it and that things might be okay again. 

The second that Benny got home, he ran to his room to read the spell book more carefully: 

"For best results, this spell should either be cast during the hours between midnight and dawn, or have a potion prepared to use while chanting. Both can be done as well." 

Okay, that was a good start. He decided to skip on making the potion, as getting ingredients for it would be needlessly complicated. Benny decided to instead just wake up earlier in the morning to cast the spell on himself. 

The page continued on showing how to make the potion itself. It also showed the words that he'd need to say, and that the spell might sometimes take a little while to start working, depending on what needs to be returned back to normal. That wasn't ideal, but Benny figured he could wait a little time, if need be. It will be worth it. 

\- 

Benny definitely overrestimated how easy it is to wake up early. His alarm blared loudly at 5:45am and for a second he considered just going back to sleep. But this was too important, so he forced himself out of bed. 

Benny decided to go cast the spell outside in his backyard, so he wouldn't end up waking his grandmother up and alerting her of what he's doing. 

Spell book in hand, he made it to his backyard as quietly as possible. The air was cold and the sky was pitch black still, but neither of the two were going to stop Benny from doing the spell. 

The book said to look at whatever he wants to return back to normal while casting the spell, so he simply stood there, looking at his own body, and said the words in the book. Benny saw a small, yellow light escape from his fingers and hit him, but he didn't feel any different afterwards. It did say that the spell might take a while to start working though, so he walked back inside to get ready for school and hoped it will start working soon. 

\- 

During the walk to school with Ethan, Benny's thoughts were mostly only occupied with the spell and when it will work. Because it definitely didn't start working by the time he and Ethan met up. He could tell by two things: 

1) He got really happy for a second when he saw Ethan 

And 2) that happiness was almost instantaneously replaced by a hurt ping in his body, as his feelings got repressed, and the words of how wrong and awful he is returned. 

During the entire walk to school, Benny had a bit of a hard time keeping conversation with his friend. His thoughts were too busy worrying about both the spell and the feelings at the same time. Trying to also hold a decent conversation was a bit too difficult. 

This time the two arrived at school kind of late, so they had to immediately separate to get to their classes on time. 

Benny walked inside the classroom and the teaching began almost right after he sat down. Around 15 minutes passed of the teacher speaking until there was a sudden thud right behind Benny. He looked back at what was happening and saw a girl on the floor, looking around in confusion. And he soon noticed why. 

Her desk and chair had suddenly completely disappeared, only leaving a small amount of wood in it's place. Then suddenly it happened again to the person on Bennys right. Their chair and desk just turned into a small amount of wood. A few of the students stood up after noticing this, which Benny decided to do as well. Good thing he did because his desk was next to go. In seconds, everyone in the class was standing and one by one the furniture was disappearing. 

The teacher was clearly confused and didn't know what to do with the situation in front of her. Her desk had also turned, so that was when she told the entire class to exit the room, and that she'll try to find out what happened. 

Seems like several other classrooms had the same situation, as the hall was pretty full of students when Benny got out of the classroom. 

"Benny!" He heard someone call after him. He turned around and saw Ethan pushing through the students and trying to make his way towards Benny. "What is going on?" 

"What have you two done this time?" Suddenly Sarah was next to them as well. Benny didn't even notice her come towards them. 

"Nothing, we haven't done-" Benny started saying, but that was when the realisation hit, "anything..." 

The spell. That was probably what was causing all of this. Benny wasn't sure how, but that was the only explanation he could think of. He must've messed it up somehow and this was the result. 

Before either Ethan or Sarah had the chance to respond or ask him further questions, the lockers in the halls started disappearing as well. One by one, they transformed and fell to become tiny pieces of metal on the floor. 

Some of the students freaked out and started running out of the building, while some just stood there and looked at what had just been a line of lockers in confusion. 

The radio in the school hallways came to life and the principal told all of them to evacuate the school. It was clear he had no idea what's going on, but it's kind of impossible to teach in a moment like this. 

The three of them started making their way towards the exit. 

"Benny, what's going on?" Ethan asked. 

"Um..." What the hell was he supposed to say? Benny wasn't even completely sure himself about what's going on. He figured it's got something to do with the spell, but he didn't know how it's causing this. 

Before he had the chance to answer, the ceiling shook and some rubble fell from it. Benny really hoped this building wasn't about to collapse. He won't be able to live with himself, if it did. 

But no, the ceiling stayed as is. Not collapsing, at least not yet. However, the same couldn't have been said for the lamps on the ceiling. A few pieces of them started falling on the floor, disappearing only after making contact with the floor. 

"We should probably get out of here first." Said Sarah, hurrying the two towards the exit nearest to them. 

The three of them started running and were near an exit when some rubble started falling again. A piece of one of the lamps fell down and managed to fall right onto Ethan. He fell down and was clearly in some pain. 

"Ethan!" Benny exclaimed and helped his friend back up. Fuck, there was some blood. 

"I'm okay." Ethan said, though he definitely didn't sound it. His head was hurting like crazy. "Let's just go." 

They exited the building and saw the school surrounded by a bunch of students observing it. Some were whispering about how it will collapse, some were wondering what's going on, and some were planning on leaving. 

"We need to find out what's happening and fix it." Ethan said, looking at both Sarah and Benny. He had his hand on the back of his head, where the debris had hit him. 

"Benny?" He called after him, as Benny didn't seem to be listening. And he wasn't really, too busy trying to think of how this happened, and of the fact that Ethan is now hurt because of him. 

"Benny!" That snapped him out of his thoughts momentarily. 

"Huh? Oh, I don't know what's going on. Not really." Was the only answer he could really give. "We should get you to a hospital." 

"No, I'm fine," Ethan replied, "besides, what if this starts happening at the hospital as well?" 

That was a good point that Benny hadn't even considered. But he felt horrible about this situation. If only he could've been normal from the start, none of this would've happened. 

"I think we should go to your grandma, she would know what to do." Sarah suggested. 

"Okay, let's go." Said Ethan and the three started walking. 

The walk was pretty quiet overall, as the only one of them that knew much about magic seemed to be in a different realm entirely. Benny wasn't saying anything or even looking at them. His movements were slow and he had his head down. Ethan looked at him in worry several times during the walk, wishing he'd have at least the slightest idea of what his friend is thinking. He was way more preoccupied about worrying for Benny than about his own head injury. 

Benny's head was full of thoughts. Most of them trying to think about today's events, trying to figure out if there was anything in the spell book about something like this. The spell was only supposed to affect him, nothing else. Hell, it hadn't even worked. Benny still couldn't help but feel disgusted by himself, and his heart still sped up every time he noticed Ethan's worried glances. So not only did he potentially fuck over the school building and hurt his best friend, he also was still the same awful person he wanted to stop being. Nothing had changed, Benny had just made things that much worse. 

\- 

The three of them finally arrived at Benny's house, and the front door swung open before Benny even had the chance to look for the keys. His grandma was standing there in the doorway, far from appearing happy or content. 

"You." She pointed a finger towards her grandson. "What did you do?" 

"Wait, you know what happened?" Ethan asked, kind of surprised, his hand still on his head. Usually they have to explain what happened first. 

"News travels fast." She simply replied. 

"Can you help us?" Benny asked. Her demeanour softened when she saw how confused and almost hurt Benny seemed to be. It was clear to her then that there was something more to this situation that she didn't know yet. 

Evelyn rushed them all inside. 

"First things first," she said and started looking through a small, wooden box on a shelf, "this!" 

She was holding a normal looking ring in her hand. "This prevents a person from casting or being affected by spells while they're wearing it. Since it seems like this is a continuous spell, and I'm not in the mood to have my furniture dissappear, I'm giving it to you temporarily." 

She handed Benny the ring, which he proceeded to put on. 

"Now I need to know what spell you used." Fuck, this was it. Benny was going to have to say what he did and then why he did it. His friends will find out and leave him afterwards. They'll hate him, will be disgusted by him, will never want to talk to him again. He felt tears slowly building up, as his mind played out all the different things they will say or do. 

Everyone in the room was looking at Benny, waiting for an answer. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. It would just cause a butterfly effect that will leave him alone and in pain. 

So he decided to instead just walk up to his grandmother and tell the spell only to her. 

"Why on Earth would you cast that one?" She asked, quite loudly. Benny didn't answer. He just looked at her and pleaded that she won't make him say it. Not now, not here. Luckily, his grandmother seemed to understand. 

"Okay, I'll need to make a potion to reverse the spell." She said, addressing everyone in the room. Benny went to lean against a sofa that Ethan was currently sitting on. Ethan looked at him, wondering about the spell and why he opted to only tell it to his grandmother. Ethan could've spent all day wondering about this, but there were clearly more important matters to attend to at the moment. 

"Sarah," Evelyn said, alerting Sarah, and gave her a small piece of paper, "Could you please go to the basement and get these ingredients for me? You can do it quicker than anyone here." 

Sarah nodded then ran to the basement, using her vampire speed. Meanwhile Benny's grandma went into the kitchen, brought out a cauldron and started doing something to make her potion. Benny wasn't really sure what she was doing exactly, but he's not yet that knowledgeable on potions. 

Benny was about to ask if there was any way he could help out with the potion, wanting to help fix the mess he made and also to distract himself from the thoughts that were now getting even worse and more painful. But before he could ask, his grandma gave him a box full of first aid items. Guess he couldn't help with the potion, but he definitely should help Ethan. 

"Don't worry, I know a great healing potion, so you'll be fine. But it's worth taking care of for now." She said to Ethan. 

Benny went to help him out. There was definitely some blood there, but the injury itself didn't seem that serious. 

"What's going on, Benny?" Ethan asked, as Benny was helping him with his head injury. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean with you. You're being so different and closed off lately. I'm trying to help, but it's like you're not letting me. I just want to know what's up. I just want my friend back." 

So do I. Benny couldn't help but think to himself. He wished this would've never happened. 

"I'm alright, Ethan." He said, but it didn't even come close to sounding convincing. He was done helping Ethan by this point, but didn't move. How could he after everything Ethan just said? Benny felt awful for not trusting him and for keeping secrets, and making his friends worry about him. But the thought of what would happen if they knew was way worse than if they didn't. 

"Okay, the potions done!" Benny's grandma suddenly exclaimed. Huh, he hadn't even notice Sarah return back upstairs, let alone them finishing the entire thing. But sure enough, it was all done and even put into a glass bottle that looked very stereotypically potion-y. If it wasn't for everything going on, Benny might have found that kind of amusing. 

"Sarah and I will go to the school and fix what had happened." His grandma said. "In the meantime, you two stay here." 

Benny wanted to protest and go out to help as well, but he knew his grandma would tell him to stay here. And once she had her mind on something, changing it is a difficult task. 

"We'll talk afterwards." She said to Benny, as they were leaving the house. He really wasn't looking forward to that. Benny hated talking about personal stuff most times, but he especially disliked doing so with family members. Maybe it's because you can always find new friends, if they say something judgmental, but you only have one family. 

Now it was just Benny and Ethan left in the house. Benny wasn't sure what to do, he still hasn't moved, not wanting Ethan to look at him and worry. 

"Benny...?" Ethan broke the silence that had sat there for about a minute, though it felt like an eternity to the both of them, "Can we talk?" 

Benny wished he could leave this situation. The thought of having this conversation absolutely terrified him, but he can't just get up and leave either. He could try his best to convince Ethan to do this some other day, but will that really be any better? Then he'll just spend the next days full of anxiousness about whenever that day will come. And, knowing Ethan, he'll want that day to come soon. 

Benny sighed and finally gave in, going to sit down on the sofa opposite of Ethan. Though, he tried his best to avoid any and all eye contact. Instead, Benny looked at his hands and fidgeted with the ring his grandma had just given him earlier. He knew what was about to happen, but that didn't mean he wasn't still dreading it immensely. 

"What happened?" Ethan asked, his voice soft and slow. Benny shook his head, he can't do this. He just can't. "Please. I just want to help." 

Benny knew that. His friend just wanted to help and he appreciated that so much, but how would he help? Ethan can't change who Benny is. Besides, he'll probably hate Benny after he finds out anyway, right? 

"I'm sorry," Benny said and looked at Ethan. Big mistake. Ethan looked so worried and it kind of hurt to look at. Benny didn't mean to do this and hurt his best friend. He hated himself for doing so. "This wasn't supposed to happen. The spell was only supposed to affect me. I never meant for anything to happen to the building, or anyone else. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I'm so sorry." He said, his feelings slowly starting to spill out all over the place. Benny felt himself starting to cry, and the second that one tear fell, the rest joined soon after. He couldn't stop his feelings from spilling out anymore. 

"I..." Benny paused before continuing what he was about to say. His hands were shaking, unsure if he'll actually be able to get the full words out. "I used a spell that returns things back to normal." 

There was silence for a while, as Ethan was trying to figure out why. 

"I just wanted to be normal again, to be how I'm supposed to be. But that didn't even work in the end. I did all this for nothing." The words were all coming out now. 

Ethan was still very much confused, he couldn't figure out why on Earth Benny thought there was something about him he needed to change. The only not normal thing he could think of was that Benny was one of the few who could do spells. But he loved that, so clearly it was something else. And it must have been quite big, as it was clearly affecting Benny a lot. To Ethan, his friend looked how he has never seen him before. He looked defeated and distraught, and it was heartbreaking to watch. 

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked after Benny didn't continue on. 

Fuck. Benny thought. Is he really about to do this? Could he even do this? He had to. Benny tried his best to prepare himself for the worst. 

"I- I think..." How the hell is he supposed to get the words out? "I think I'm gay, Ethan..." He sighed. "I hoped the spell would change that... If you want to stop being friends with me, I-I'd understand. Just please don't tell anyone else. I'll leave you alone forever, if you want. Just don't do that." 

Ethan's eyes went wide, as he heard what Benny said. The coming out had surprised him, sure, but he was way more shocked that Benny thinks they wouldn't be friends anymore. 

"I'd never want you to leave me alone or stop being my friend. Why do you think I would do that?" He asked. Did Benny really think their years and years of friendship would end because of this? 

"I don't know. Because I'm wrong to be this way? I mean, my parents have told me it's wrong to feel that way. Everyone in school always uses "gay" as an insult. So surely there must be something wrong with me? I'm wrong and awful for feeling this way?" 

Ethan doesn't think he's ever been this angry in his life. He was furious at all the people that had told Benny that he was wrong or awful for being who he is. Ethan was furious that they had made his friend feel this way. He wasn't great at confrontations, but he wished he'd have the chance to confront everyone like that. 

"No, you're not." Ethan said. "Benny, listen to me. There is absolutely nothing wrong or abnormal about you. Never has and never will be! All the people that have told you otherwise are just ignorant and wrong. It's okay if you're gay. Nothing is wrong with you, at all. That's why the spell didn't work as well. There was nothing about you that needed to be changed." 

Benny has never been this happy to be wrong. In the span of just a few days, his brain had managed to convince him that the complete opposite of this would happen. He thought that Ethan would hate him, and he was relieved that didn't happen. 

Benny was happy that Ethan was so nice and understanding right now. He almost started crying again, though this time from relief and joy. 

"Thank you," Benny said, trying to calm himself down a bit. "Thank you so much. And sorry for everything." 

"It's okay, you don't have to apologise for anything." Ethan responded. "Though next time, please actually talk to someone and let your friends help you. Don't start doing magic." 

Benny laughed. "Will do." 

"Good. And remember, you can trust me with anything." Benny smiled. He was lucky to have someone like Ethan in his life. 

\- 

His grandma and Sarah returned pretty soon after that. Apparently they had fixed everything and the school was returning back to how it was. 

Benny and his grandmother had a talk that night, after everyone had left. He told her everything. Though he was still quite scared, he was way less of a mess this time. His grandma understood and wasn't too mad at him, but made sure to tell him to never do that again. 

After that, things got a bit better. Benny was still to nervous to tell any of his other friends, and there were times where he felt bad again, but Ethan was always there by his side. It wasn't perfect, and maybe it never will be, but it was better. For now, that was good enough.


End file.
